Tickling your Fun-Technicals…

The title of this blog is “Coding… and then some”, but as I’m having a quick look this evening, most of it seems political. I make no apology for this; I learnt a lot of my technology skills in the early/mid 1980s, where this stuff was still for geeks. However, now it’s gotten into the mainstream infrastructure of society, it seems only fair for me to comment on technologies I’ve helped to build – particularly when governments and self-interest groups try to hijack the work of myself and several good friends, for their own purposes. Having contributed to several government committees on technical issues, it both angers and disappoints me that the whole exercise seems to have been a stage-show for the popular press.

But putting the above aside, I thought it might be fun to recall some of the amusing moments in my career. 

 

Blowing an EPROM (and your mind, too…)

During the middle year of my HND studies, I was employed by GEC-Marconi Avionics (now BAE-Systems) as a Trainee Software Engineer. I was rescued from a certain-death in anti-submarine warfare to a team producing digital maps for fighter aircraft. Because of my background with the BBC Micro, touching hardware held no fear, and so one of my duties was reprogramming the target development environment. 

Now back in these dim and distant days, this wasn’t a matter of simply re-flashing the firmware; it meant blowing your code into a set of EPROMs on a programmer and then replacing the socketed devices on a board.

Anyway, one Friday afternoon, I returned from lunch, to hear that a Senior Software Engineer who had recently joined the team, couldn’t afford to wait, and had gone into the lab to replace the chips himself. Before I had even had the chance to exclaim “WTF!??!”, he strolled back into the office with a bemused expression on his face, and asked “Do EPROMs light up?”

After the howls of laughter had died down, I went into the lab with him, and went through exactly what he had done. Turns out he hadn’t even programmed the devices he put in the board – placing EPROMs under UV light doesn’t exactly program them…

(For non-technical readers, exposure to UV light erases EPROMs)

 

Being Too Technical…

There are many fascinating stories to tell from a rather large broadcasting corporation in the UK that I worked at, but a couple will always stick in my mind…

 

Double-sided paper

While working the hell-desk, I once had a call from someone in the call-centre complaining that they had send a report to the printer and asked for double-sided printing, but that only one side was being printed on. My “witty” reply of “Yes – you’re printing to the LaserJet 5M downstairs – that doesn’t have double-sided paper in it” was immediately greeted with a response of “Oh – of course – I’ll go get some from stores”.  Some 6 minutes later, my phone rang again, with a less than pleasant greeting – “You bastard!!!”

Seemed odd that I got blamed for their own stupidity…

 

Ignoring the obvious…

This is partly my fault, because I should have been more thorough. But by this time, I was learning that it was quicker to walk downstairs to the call-centre than to spend time on the phone.

“I can’t login!” said a panicked operator.

“OK, OK – calm down. Is the light on your monitor on?”

“No – the screen’s black, but there’s a green light at the bottom.”

“Is your mouse working?”

“Yes, just like it always does, but I can’t see anything…”

Intruiged, I went downstairs to investigate. The monitor was turned on, but the actual PC unit wasn’t. And as for the “normal mouse working”? She could still move it around on the desk – therefore it was working…

 

The button of POWER…

On yet another morning, I took a call from a disaster area – namely the postroom…

“The cleaners have been through…”

“Yes…” – waiting to get the news that Hurricane Idiot had swept through behind them…

“Well, they turned off our printer, and we can’t turn it back on…”

“Well, the power switch is at the back, bottom right – it’s just like a light switch – you just turn it on”

(Pass your own comments on cleaning staff being more technically savvy than postroom staff…)

Time passed while I seriously contemplated the differences between custodial sentences for murder and manslaughter…

And then the response…

“Well, we’re not very good with these technical things. Could you come down and do it for us?”

 

An aside to the story…

Long after I left the company described above, there was a suspected anthrax attack. It was apparently started when an envelope covered in white powder arrived in the aforementioned postroom. 

Needless to say, instead of calling the relevant authorities, they called all their colleagues round, and then opened it, sparking a major alert. (Which turned out to be pointless)

Pity though – I’d have enjoyed being there and seeing Ruth in the de-contamination showers…

And if you ever travel into London and get “mildly upset” over-running and non-functional IT systems, like your Oyster card, the IT director of that company is now a project manager for TFL…  

The prosecution rests…

 

With stories like this, I’m often amazed that my ex-colleagues could have dressed themselves before making it into the office…